You have decided. You are going to try dilators. It is a huge step, and I want to tell you straight away: you are right to research before buying.

Because the vaginal dilator market is a small world of chaos. Prices ranging from €15 to €200. Materials no one talks about. French, American, Israeli and British brands — each with its promises and limitations. And no one to tell you honestly what is worthwhile and what is mostly marketing.

I will try here. Drawing on what I have seen in the practice, what my patients have reported and what I have tested myself when choices needed to be made.

What a vaginal dilator really is

A vaginal dilator is not a sex toy. It is a progressive device — generally a set of 4 to 8 increasing sizes — used to teach the vagina and pelvic floor again that penetration is not a threat. Not to penetrate forcefully. To penetrate gently, remaining still, until the body understands that it can stay open without defending itself.

The aim is not to “force the vagina to get bigger”. It is to communicate with your nervous system. Slowly. Without disruption.

Three things matter:

  1. The gradual progression of sizes
  2. The softness of the material
  3. The shape (which should follow anatomical contours, without harsh angles)

Comparing the main brands

Velvi (French — ★ main recommendation in France)

Set available: 5 sizes, XS to L (approximately 12 to 27 mm in diameter). Material: 100% medical-grade silicone, hypoallergenic, can be cleaned in a steriliser. Price: around €89 for the complete set. Who it is for: everyone in France. It is the French-speaking market’s reference brand — European quality, customer support in French, fast delivery.

Strengths:

  • Very soft silicone, a skin-like feel
  • Well-spaced progressive sizes (no sudden jump)
  • Available with or without an applicator
  • French website, advice in French
  • Discreet shipping assured

Weaknesses:

  • Size L may seem insufficient for some women at the end of the protocol (but moving beyond the dilator means moving on to actual penetration, which is not a problem)
  • No reimbursement through French social security (no brand qualifies in France)

Amielle (British — a longstanding international reference)

Set available: 4 sizes, from smallest to largest. Material: rigid medical-grade plastic (not silicone). A very different feel. Price: around €55–70 per set. Who it is for: those wanting an established product with decades of medical use who are not put off by rigid plastic.

Strengths:

  • A longstanding brand (used in UK hospitals for 30 years)
  • Precise sizes with graduated markers
  • Lightweight

Weaknesses:

  • Rigid plastic feels cold — often described as less pleasant than silicone
  • A less anatomical feel
  • Delivery from the United Kingdom (waiting times and possible charges)
  • The lack of flexibility may increase apprehension for some women

Pelvic wand (a hybrid concept)

A pelvic wand is not a dilator in the classic sense — it is an S-shaped or curved tool, made from silicone or resin, designed to reach specific pelvic floor points inside the vagina (particularly the obturator and levator ani muscles) for internal self-massage.

Main brands: Intimate Rose Pelvic Wand, Femmax Pelvic Wand, Therawand. Price: €35–80. Who it is for: those with identified pelvic floor hypertonicity who want to complement dilation with targeted muscle release. Ideally used after an introduction from a trained physiotherapist.

Strengths:

  • Allows work on release (not just widening)
  • Ideal alongside pelvic health physiotherapy
  • Very effective on persistent points of tension

Weaknesses:

  • Not suitable for starting alone without guidance
  • Requires some basic anatomical knowledge
  • Can be uncomfortable if used incorrectly

Alternatives to consider (an international overview)

| Brand | Origin | Distinctive feature | |---|---|---| | VuVa Dilators | USA | Silicone set with embedded neodymium magnets. Claimed anti-inflammatory effect (to be viewed with scientific caution). | | Soul Source | USA | Silicone set, very wide choice of sizes (XS to XL). An established reference in the USA. | | Femmax | UK | Rigid plastic, a low-cost alternative to Amielle. | | Intimate Rose | USA | Combined silicone set and pelvic wand. Strong wellness marketing. | | Berman Innovations | USA | Very luxurious silicone set, high price (>€150). |

What to choose for your profile

You are starting out and live in France

→ Velvi. No hesitation. European quality, silicone, French support. If your budget is very tight and you are comfortable with plastic: Amielle.

You are already having pelvic health physiotherapy and want to complement it

→ Velvi + pelvic wand (Intimate Rose or Femmax). The set for progressing through sizes, the wand for targeted release.

You are in the USA or move between countries

→ Soul Source or Intimate Rose. Readily available, proven quality.

You are in perimenopause or postmenopause with vaginal atrophy (GSM)

→ Velvi size XS–S + water-based lubricant + local hormone treatment (Intrarosa, Vagifem) if prescribed by your gynaecologist. A dilator alone is not enough in this situation — the tissues need rehydrating alongside it.

The protocol, in two sentences

You insert the smallest size. You leave it still for 10 to 20 minutes, breathing slowly and deeply. You force nothing. You do not move it back and forth. You wait for your body to understand that it is not a threat. Then you gently remove it.

You move to the next size only when:

  • Inserting the current size is painless
  • You can breathe normally with it in place
  • You can move your hips slightly without apprehension

No rushed timetable. One size may take a week, or three months. The pace depends on your nervous system, not a schedule.

What to do alongside the dilator

A dilator alone does not resolve vaginismus. It needs to be accompanied by:

  • Diaphragmatic breathing consistently throughout every session
  • A good-quality water-based or hybrid lubricant (avoid silicone with silicone dilators — the combination wears down the material). Mucogyne, Replens, Sliquid Sea, Yes WB.
  • An anaesthetic cream if sensitivity is too intense at the start of the protocol (EMLA applied 30 minutes beforehand, on prescription)
  • Ideally, a trained physiotherapist who checks the progression
  • Psychotherapy alongside it if the dominant mechanism is cognitive or relational (see The four mechanisms of vaginismus — in French)

What to avoid

  • ❌ Buying a single medium-sized dilator (“I’ll start with that one”) — you need the complete set to progress
  • ❌ Using sex toys instead — the shape is unsuitable, and the erotic association blurs the therapeutic work
  • ❌ Forcing progression — jumping a size sets you back several weeks
  • ❌ Moving back and forth — that is not the aim at the beginning
  • ❌ Using it with a partner from the outset — you need to relearn on your own before reintroducing your partner
  • ❌ Expecting a result in 4 sessions — the average protocol takes 8 to 16 weeks

What to take away from this article

Three things:

  1. Velvi is the reference brand in France; Amielle is a longstanding rigid-plastic alternative. A pelvic wand is a complementary tool for release, not for starting out.
  2. A dilator is a tool for communicating with your nervous system, not an instrument for forced widening. Gentleness, stillness and breathing matter more than progression.
  3. A dilator alone is not enough. It is part of broader work that includes breathing, lubricant, physiotherapy and sometimes psychotherapy.

Going further

If you would like the detailed session-by-session protocol — with a pace adapted to your clinical profile among the 8 portraits I describe — I wrote Votre Vaginisme : fini l’errance, dénouer le plaisir selon votre profil.

The book contains a whole chapter devoted to the dilator protocol, with variations for your profile and pitfalls to avoid.

➜ Receive the free extract + join the early readers’ list (in French)

Articles in the same series:

📖 Going further — Scarlett Kaplan’s book, Votre Vaginisme: the most comprehensive French-language reference on vaginismus.