What vaginismus is
Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of the pelvic floor muscles. The vagina closes and tightens, sometimes to the point of making any penetration impossible. The term dyspareunia is also used when sex is possible but painful — painful penetration is often linked to the same mechanism.
It can happen with a partner, but also alone — with a tampon, a finger or during a gynaecological examination.
It is not a choice. It is not conscious. It is a reflex. An automatic response from the body.
The different causes
Vaginismus does not have a single origin. Before working on it, we need to understand where it comes from.
Sometimes it is postural. Muscular tension, an imbalance in the pelvis or chronic tightening. I systematically explore this possibility with simple exercises — and if it is relevant, I refer you to specialist professionals (physiotherapists, osteopaths).
Sometimes it is emotional. Fear, apprehension or a belief about sexuality. Something that is not trauma in the strict sense, but still creates a block.
And sometimes it is linked to sexual trauma. The body carries the memory of what happened and protects itself.
These causes can also overlap. What matters is not imposing one explanation, but taking time to understand what is happening for you.
When vaginismus is linked to trauma
After sexual trauma — rape, sexual assault, incest, abuse, unwanted sexual touching or domestic violence — the body learns something: intimacy is dangerous.
And it responds accordingly. It locks. It closes access. It says no for you, even when you say yes.
This is not a betrayal. It is protection. Your body is doing what it thinks is right to keep you safe.
The problem is that this protection continues — even when the danger has passed. Even with someone you trust. Even years later.
What you may have tried
Forcing it. Gritting your teeth. Hoping it will pass with time.
Mechanical exercises. Dilators. Physiotherapy sessions. Perhaps they helped a little. Perhaps not at all.
Because trauma-related vaginismus cannot be ‘retrained’ like an ordinary muscle. It is not a problem of flexibility. It is a problem of safety.
As long as the nervous system is on alert, the body remains closed. And no mechanical technique will change that.
What can help
Not forcing. Not ‘retraining’. Not ignoring what the body is trying to say.
What helps is working on what lies underneath. The memory of the trauma. Nervous system responses. The sense of safety — or its absence.
EMDR can deactivate the emotional charge of memories. EFT soothes the body’s automatic responses. Hypnosis helps recreate a sense of inner safety. Gentle body-based work allows you to become familiar with sensations again, without forcing.
Above all: a space where you can move at your pace. Without pressure. Without expectations. Without performance.
Vaginismus is not a disease
It is a response. An adaptation. The body’s intelligence in the face of what it is experiencing or has experienced.
You are not ‘blocked’. You are not ‘broken’. Above all, vaginismus is not part of your identity. It is part of your history.
It has a source. And when that source is identified — postural, emotional or traumatic — you can move forward.
If you experience vaginismus or dyspareunia after rape, assault or sexual violence, know that your body is not broken. It is responding to what it experienced. And it can learn something else.
The work is not to force it open. It is to show it that it can relax. That the danger has passed. That you are safe now.
And when it truly understands that, it will open on its own.
Understand the causes behind your experience in my book Votre Vaginisme : fini l’errance, dénouer le plaisir selon votre profil (French edition) — so you can become more independent.
And if you do not want to face this alone, or would like more personalised support, consultations are available.
📖 Further reading — Scarlett Kaplan’s book, Votre Vaginisme (French edition): the most comprehensive French-language reference on vaginismus.