You argue all the time. And it is always the same argument.

Ten minutes later, you are shouting. Or you have stopped speaking. Or someone slams a door.

The subject changes: the washing-up, money, children, in-laws. But the argument is always the same. The same accusations. The same hurt. The same regrets afterwards.

You are exhausted. You no longer know how to get out of it.

What recurring arguments can feel like

You are not the first couple to walk through this door.

“We argue about everything.” Screens, housework, schedules, sex. Every conversation can become a battlefield.

“It is always the same argument.” The subject changes, but the pattern repeats. One attacks, the other defends. One pursues, the other withdraws.

“We cannot talk without things getting out of hand.” Even simple subjects end in conflict. You are walking on eggshells.

“I know I will regret it, but I cannot stop myself.” The words come out. Hurtful words. Then comes the guilt.

“We love each other, but we cannot stand each other any more.” The love is there, somewhere. But it is buried under the accusations.

How constant arguments affect your relationship

Deep down, you already know.

When the same pattern repeats, arguments can intensify. Sometimes, exhaustion or resignation gives way to silence.

Resentment builds. Layer upon layer. Until there is no room for anything else.

Children can pick up on this tension, even when you try to hide it from them.

Waiting can make talking harder. But a crisis alone does not mean it is too late to work on the relationship.

Relationship conflicts I offer support with

  • Daily arguments — You can no longer say anything without an explosion.
  • Arguments that always escalate — They start small and end in shouting or icy silence.
  • Accumulated grievances — In the middle of an argument about dinner, you bring up something from five years ago.
  • Saying things you do not mean — You say hurtful things that you regret immediately.
  • Arguing in front of the children — You hate it, but you cannot stop.
  • A pursuer–withdrawer pattern — One person wants to talk now; the other needs time. It makes everything worse.

My approach to recurring arguments

I am Scarlett Kaplan, a couples therapist specialising in recurring conflict. I work mainly online by video call, and also in Paris.

What you tell me will not shock me. The shouting, the accusations, the hostile silences: I am used to hearing about them.

My role is to translate, help repair and move beyond patterns, without judging.

My role is not to tell you who is right. It is to help you see the pattern you keep repeating without realising it, and give you practical tools to move beyond it.

You may interpret your partner’s reactions through the way you yourself work. We check those interpretations and put each person’s experience into words.

Why choose online couples therapy?

No travelling. You are at home, in familiar surroundings. Less stress and less to organise.

We choose appointment times according to availability and your commitments.

Accessible across France and abroad. Whether you are in Paris, elsewhere in France or living overseas, distance is no longer an obstacle.

Video sessions allow us to work on your conversations, your reactions and your relationship. We choose this format if your circumstances allow you to speak freely.

There is no travel time. You will still need a quiet place and uninterrupted time for the session.

What online couples therapy involves

In the first session, we start to identify the pattern. Each of you tells your side. We look at who does what, when it happens and how the conversation turns.

We identify the destructive pattern. We look beyond what the arguments are about to their structure: what triggers them, what escalates them and what gets in the way.

We make sense of each person’s reactions. What you are really saying. What the other hears. Why you assume intentions that are not there.

I offer practical tools: how to signal that you need a break, how to reconnect after an argument, and how to ask without accusing.

Between sessions, there are practical exercises to try at home.

The aim is for you to disagree without tearing each other apart.

Can we really stop arguing as a couple?

The aim is not to never disagree again. It is to move beyond destructive arguments that hurt you. A healthy relationship can include conflict, but it is resolved rather than allowed to build up.

How many couples therapy sessions will we need for arguments?

The length of the work depends on your situation, the role conflict plays and your pace. The first appointment gives us a chance to begin discussing this, without fixing a number of sessions in advance.

What if my partner refuses to come to therapy?

You can begin on your own. Understanding your reactions can help you choose how to respond and where to set your boundaries. It does not guarantee that your partner will change.

Does couples therapy really help with arguments?

It can help you recognise your patterns and try other ways of talking to each other. Each person’s commitment matters; the outcome is not guaranteed.

Online couples therapy or in person in Paris?

I offer both. Video sessions save you the journey; some couples prefer the space of the consulting room. The choice also depends on the conditions in which you can talk.