You arrive with a certainty. We will look at it together.
When a couple comes into my practice, each partner often arrives with a conviction: the other person needs to change. “I just want him to understand.” “She does not realise.” “If only he would make an effort.”
I understand this need. When you have been hurting for months, sometimes years, you want someone finally to see what you are going through. Your pain deserves to be heard.
In sessions, we also try to understand the other person’s experience, without assuming that you share equal responsibility. The same situation can be experienced in different ways. There may also be an unfair act or a behaviour that needs to be named clearly.
Our work is to untangle this: acknowledge what hurt, understand what led to this situation and look at what you want and are able to repair.
The same action can mean different things
A couple brings together two histories, two ways of perceiving, reacting and protecting yourselves. You do not always attach the same meaning to what happens between you.
You criticise him for going quiet when things are difficult. To you, this silence means he is avoiding things or does not care. For him, it may be an attempt to collect his thoughts or avoid saying something hurtful.
The same action can be experienced in two very different ways. If you take your interpretation for granted, you may respond to an intention the other person did not have.
Your persistence may be heard as an attack. His withdrawal may feel like contempt. And the cycle continues.
My role is to help you make sense of what is said, what remains unspoken and what keeps repeating. So that each of you can be heard and understood, and something between you can begin to shift again.
Acknowledging responsibility without dividing it artificially
The complexity of a relationship does not justify explaining everything away. A betrayal matters. Repeated disrespect matters. Some actions and words are not acceptable.
I do not assume that each person carries half the responsibility. You are not responsible for failing to predict what the other person would do. What was done to you deserves to be acknowledged.
Naming a behaviour does not mean reducing a whole person to what they have done. It allows us to look at the impact, re-establish boundaries and find what needs to change.
Accountability, yes. Humiliation, no. The setting needs to allow each person to speak without having to deny their own experience.
Understanding, then working on what comes next
Once the facts and their effects have been acknowledged, we look at what can come next.
This includes distinguishing intention from impact. You may not have meant to hurt someone and still have caused pain. Recognising this difference can make for a more useful conversation than repeating “that is not what I meant”.
We look for reference points you can both understand: what happened, what it changed, the boundaries that matter and the actions that are needed.
My aim is to support you in repairing what can be repaired, building things differently and moving forward with greater clarity.
My aim: to repair. And to support change.
Love is a feeling, but life as a couple also calls for actions, attention and sometimes learning. A difficulty can open up a process of change, together and individually.
Joy, lightness and desire cannot be summoned on demand. We can, however, work on what leaves less room for them: things left unsaid, mistrust, pressure and wounds that return in every conversation.
I help you find ways to do things differently, with practical suggestions and work that takes shape with you. We look at your expectations, your reactions and what you are ready to try.
I cannot promise that you will stay together. The work may also bring deep disagreements or incompatible wishes into focus. A decision to separate then deserves equally clear support, without being presented as a moral failure.
Your path belongs to you. My commitment is to work with you on what is possible, without deciding the outcome of your relationship for you.
Repair means acknowledging the impact
When you have hurt your partner, acknowledging the facts may not be enough. They may need you to hear what it did to them, without immediately trying to explain or defend yourself.
This can be difficult. You may feel ashamed, attacked or afraid that everything you say will be used against you. We make room for these reactions while keeping our attention on what was experienced.
Forgiveness cannot be demanded. An apology does not resolve everything on its own. We look at what could make repair tangible: someone’s words being acknowledged, a behaviour changing, a boundary being respected, trust that can be rebuilt through actions.
I maintain this framework for each of you. The person who was hurt does not have to move faster than they can to reassure the person who hurt them.
Change also needs space
You can have caused harm and need help to understand how to act differently. Making room for this work does not mean erasing responsibility.
We look at what is missing: reference points, a way to express a need, the ability to hear a refusal, a different response when tension rises.
This work is also measured by what changes in daily life. It is not about multiplying explanations to avoid consequences, but about developing another way of being in the relationship.
Your positions are not necessarily symmetrical. I do not assume that each of you has hurt the other in the same way. We begin with your situation, not with a theory that allocates blame in advance.
Sometimes, individual space helps
Some questions need time of their own: an old wound, a personal difficulty or a need to understand what you are experiencing before you can share it.
I may suggest individual sessions alongside couples work. We discuss their place together, with an explicit agreement about confidentiality and how they fit with the work you do as a couple.
The aim is to find what supports the work while taking each person’s needs into account.
When tension takes over
It is sometimes difficult to talk when you are very angry, crying or feeling completely shut down. Before continuing an important conversation, we can look at what would help you feel a little more able to engage.
Silence does not always mean the same thing. Neither do tears. Rather than assigning a cause to them, I ask how you are experiencing that moment.
We can learn to recognise signs of tension, ask for a pause or say that you can no longer listen. Breathing or grounding exercises may support this.
A pause also needs a next step: when and how will the conversation resume? The aim is not to make the disagreement disappear, but to be able to approach it in better conditions.
Who is this support for?
You can come when something between you is no longer working and you want greater clarity. You do not need to agree on the explanation before you arrive, or know exactly what to ask for.
The work involves being able to look at your reactions, hear a different experience and discuss what each of you wants to change.
I will not be an ally against your partner. I can recognise a wrong and help you name it while maintaining a space for work in which each person’s voice matters.
Together, we check that couples therapy is an appropriate setting for your situation.
What happens in sessions?
I offer two-hour couples sessions. This gives each of you time to speak, look at the exchanges that keep recurring and begin working on them.
At the first meeting, we establish the framework. I listen to each of you, ask questions and clarify what brings you here and what you hope for.
We then work on specific situations: what lies beneath the arguments, how your reactions feed into each other and what you could try differently.
We set goals and review them regularly. The duration and pace adapt to your situation and to how useful the work is.
Situations you can bring
- Recurring arguments that leave you exhausted.
- A growing silence or difficulty talking to each other.
- A difference in desire or intimacy that has become a source of tension.
- Infidelity and damaged trust.
- Disagreements about parenting, or a crisis after the arrival of a child.
- Uncertainty about staying together or separating.
How many sessions will we need?
I cannot determine this in advance. We look at your situation, the goals you share and the changes observed as the work develops. A calmer period can be useful; we also check what has changed in the way you work through disagreements.
Can I start on my own?
Yes. If your partner is unsure or does not want therapy, you can come to talk about what you are experiencing. The work then focuses on your experience, your reactions and the choices that are yours to make.
This does not guarantee that your partner will join later. We can still think about how to explain your decision to them without pressure.
Can sessions take place by video?
Yes, I see couples in Paris and online. We check that you have a setting where each of you can speak freely and be heard. We discuss the choice in light of your situation.
How do we know whether our relationship can be repaired?
There is no certain answer before starting. We can look at what still connects you, what has been damaged, your expectations and what each of you wants to commit to the work.
I support you in understanding and looking for a way forward. I do not promise a particular outcome.
Is this mediation?
I am a therapist, not a mediator. The support I offer focuses on your relationship: the emotions, exchanges, wounds and changes you want to work on. We clarify this framework from our first conversations.
