You want different things. And it is tearing you apart.

One person moves closer. The other pulls away.

One feels rejected, abandoned and unwanted. The other feels overwhelmed, guilty and under pressure.

You love each other. But your needs feel so different that you no longer know how to meet each other.

Every attempt ends in tension. Or silence. Or an argument.

What each of you may be experiencing

THE PERSON WHO WANTS MORE

“I feel rejected.” Every refusal hurts. You feel as though you are no longer desirable.

“It feels as though I am begging.” You always have to ask. To initiate. And often hear a no.

“I feel alone in this relationship.” You miss intimacy. Not just sex, but connection.

“I am starting to doubt.” Do they still love me? Do they desire me?

“I resent my partner.” And you feel bad for resenting them.

THE PERSON WHO WANTS LESS

“I feel under pressure.” Every cuddle raises a question: “Do they want sex?”

“I feel guilty.” You know your partner is hurting. But you cannot force yourself.

“I feel overwhelmed.” Your body no longer feels like your own. Something is always being asked of you.

“I avoid physical contact.” Because you are afraid it will lead to a request for sex.

“I do not understand it myself.” Why do you not want to? You would like to know.

What happens if nothing changes

The gap grows.

The person who wants more may feel increasingly rejected. Resentment builds, and requests become harder to hear.

The person who wants less feels increasingly guilty. Physical contact becomes a source of stress rather than pleasure. Avoidance takes hold.

You sleep in the same bed, but you feel miles apart.

And one day, someone says: “I cannot take this any more.”

Why you assume the worst about each other’s intentions

You think: “They do not desire me any more. They are no longer attracted to me.” They think: “I am exhausted. My body needs rest, not sex.”

You think: “They only think about sex. It is all they care about.” They think: “Sex is how I feel connected. Without it, I feel alone.”

You think: “They are rejecting me.” They think: “I need space. I am not rejecting YOU.”

You think: “They are putting me under pressure.” Your partner says they are looking for intimacy. We take both experiences seriously: having a need does not give anyone a right to another person’s body.

You work differently. And you assume your partner works the way you do. That is where things get stuck.

My role: to translate, without judging

I am Scarlett Kaplan, a couples therapist and sex therapist. I work mainly online.

I do not measure who wants sex “enough”. Levels of desire can differ. Each person’s refusal and boundaries must be respected.

My work is to translate.

To translate what one person feels so the other can understand. To put each person’s needs into words so they are no longer heard as attacks.

When a refusal can be heard without becoming proof of a lack of love, and a request can be expressed without persistence or pressure, a different conversation becomes possible.

That is where something can begin to shift.

What I offer support with online

  • A long-standing difference in desire — It has lasted for months or years. You no longer know how to move beyond it.
  • Refusal and avoidance — One person always pulls away. The other no longer dares to ask.
  • Accumulated resentment — The grievances are there, even when they are not spoken.
  • Sex has become taboo — You no longer talk about it. It is too painful.
  • Mechanical compromises that do not suit you — “We have sex twice a week” can add an obligation instead of creating desire.
  • Fear of separating — You feel that the relationship will not last if nothing changes.

What online therapy involves

In the first session, each of you tells your story. What you are experiencing. How you feel. Without being interrupted.

Together, we identify the needs involved: connection, safety, recognition, space and rest. Each of you can clarify what fits your experience.

I translate what one person is trying to say and what the other hears. We check your interpretations rather than guessing each other’s intentions.

We explore solutions. Beyond mechanical compromises such as “twice a week”, we look for real ways to respond to BOTH people’s needs.

Between sessions, there are exercises to help you connect. They are not necessarily sexual. The aim is to rebuild intimacy in other ways.

The aim is for you to live with your differences without either of you feeling rejected or overwhelmed.

Why choose online therapy?

Less stress. Talking about desire, refusal and sex is already difficult. Doing it from home can feel more comfortable.

Accessible whether you are in Paris, elsewhere in France or abroad.

Flexibility. No travelling. Appointment times that fit your life.

Video sessions allow us to work on your conversations, your reactions and your relationship. We choose this format if your circumstances allow you to speak freely.

Privacy. Nobody sees you going into a therapist’s office.

Is this a common difficulty?

Differences in desire are among the subjects couples bring to sessions. You can talk about them without shame.

Who needs to change?

Nobody has to “change” who they are. Each person needs to understand the other and find ways to respond to their needs without sacrificing themselves.

Can this situation change?

We can look for new ways to grow closer and respect your differences. The outcome depends on your situation and what each of you wants.

What if it is connected to something else in our relationship?

That is often the case. Differences in desire rarely exist in isolation. We work on the whole relationship dynamic.

What if my partner refuses to come?

You can begin on your own. Understanding your part can already change the dynamic.