I no longer offer consultations for premature ejaculation. This article remains a reading resource; to explore further, I recommend Étienne Vallon’s book.
If someone has suggested pelvic floor exercises to treat your premature ejaculation, they probably meant Kegels. ‘Contract the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine. Hold for 10 seconds. Release. Repeat.’ You read it everywhere. It is often what people teach.
And for most of you, it was exactly the wrong thing to do.
This article will explain why. Above all, it will show you the opposite exercise: Reverse Kegels. They repair what Kegels have made worse. This exercise is rarely taught in France in the context of premature ejaculation. It is also one of the most useful, provided you do it properly.
First: who is this article for?
Reverse Kegels are not a universal exercise for premature ejaculation. They are the first-choice tool for profiles in which PE is dominated by pelvic hypertonicity: typically men with a clenched jaw, bruxism, chronic muscle tension or a habit of rapid masturbation since adolescence. For other profiles — pure performance anxiety without marked hypertonicity, situational PE or secondary PE after trauma — they remain useful but are not the priority.
Before investing 6 to 8 weeks in regular practice, understanding your starting point helps avoid wasting time. My book Sortir de votre éjaculation précoce — Durer plus longtemps en habitant son corps begins with an A/B/C clinical questionnaire with subprofiles for exactly this reason: reaching the right diagnosis before prescribing the right exercise.
That said, if you are clenching your jaw as you read and cannot remember your pelvic floor ever being truly relaxed, this article is probably for you. Read on.
Why standard Kegels can harm you
Kegels were devised in the 1940s by the American gynaecologist Arnold Kegel to help women restore tone to a weakened pelvic floor after childbirth. Their purpose is to contract and strengthen.
For men who ejaculate too quickly, the problem is almost never a pelvic floor that is too weak. It is the opposite: a hypertonic pelvic floor, too tense, too contracted and permanently locked.
Doing Kegels with an already hypertonic pelvic floor is like telling someone with tense shoulders to pull them even higher towards their ears. You worsen exactly what needs to be released.
In practical terms, standard Kegels in a man with hypertonicity often lead to:
- Ejaculating even faster as the threshold falls
- Pelvic floor pain after ejaculation
- Greater stiffness in the pelvic floor in everyday life
- Sometimes urinary discomfort such as a slow stream or hesitation
- And, paradoxically, a less stable erection, because an overly tense pelvic floor restricts blood flow towards the penis
A few profiles, a minority, benefit from Kegels: men whose pelvic floor is truly weakened following prostate surgery, ageing or an extremely sedentary lifestyle. For them, yes. For everyone else — the vast majority — the starting point is the opposite.
Reverse Kegels: the technical definition
Reverse Kegels are the opposite exercise. Instead of contracting your pelvic floor, you lengthen it, relax it and allow it to open downwards. You retrain it out of chronic tension.
Anatomically, your pelvic floor is a hammock of muscles lining the base of the pelvis. When hypertonic, that hammock is stretched horizontally, hard and closed. A Reverse Kegel allows it to descend, like a trampoline released after a child has jumped on it.
Neurologically, it is the exact opposite of a standard Kegel: instead of stimulating voluntary control through the motor system, you let go of control through the parasympathetic system. You teach your body to stop monitoring.
How to do a Reverse Kegel: the complete method
This is a subtle exercise. Most men get it wrong at first because they try to do something when what is needed is precisely to stop doing. Here is the step-by-step progression I teach in my practice.
Step 1: finding the position
Lie on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor and hip-width apart. Arms by your sides. Eyes closed. If it is more comfortable, place a cushion beneath your knees to release your lower back completely.
This position relaxes the psoas and lower back, two areas that pull on the pelvic floor through fascial tension when they are tight. It is the position in which your pelvic floor is most likely to relax.
Step 2: finding the breath
Place one hand on your belly and the other on your lower chest. Breathe in through your nose into your belly: the hand on your belly rises while the other barely moves. Breathe out slowly through slightly parted lips as your belly lowers. Do not rush.
The aim is to bring your breathing down. Not into your chest or shoulders, but into your belly, your pelvis and the ground.
Do this for three minutes. That is longer than you think. Your nervous system needs that time to begin shifting into parasympathetic mode, the relaxation branch.
Step 3: the sensation
Now, without tightening anything, bring your attention to your pelvic floor: the area between your anus and scrotum. Do not try to contract it. Do not try to feel it precisely. Just bring your attention there.
You will probably notice one of two things:
- You feel nothing: your awareness of this area is limited
- You feel a vague tension, hardness or sometimes tingling
Both are normal. They are even expected in a man with hypertonicity: awareness is limited because the tension is chronic and has become invisible.
Step 4: lengthening
Here is the movement. As you breathe in, imagine your pelvic floor descending towards the ground, as though opening, becoming heavier, longer and wider.
Images that can help:
- ‘My pelvic floor melts like warm butter’
- ‘My pelvic floor opens like a flower blossoming downwards’
- ‘The whole space between my anus and scrotum becomes soft and heavy’
- ‘I let my pelvic floor drop into the mattress’
Choose the image that speaks to you. As you breathe out, stay with that opening. Do not try to return upwards, and above all do not contract.
You will get it wrong at first. Many men think they are releasing when they are actually contracting slightly or doing nothing at all. That is normal. The correct Reverse Kegel sensation is subtle, more an inner suggestion than a clear movement. With time — two to four weeks of daily practice — your perception becomes more precise.
Step 5: duration and frequency
To begin: 3 to 5 minutes a day, ideally morning or evening, at a quiet moment. No more. Quality matters more than quantity.
After two to three weeks, you can extend this to 10 minutes or do two sessions a day, morning and evening.
There is no need to do it everywhere, all the time. The idea is not to turn this into a pelvic floor gym session. It is to teach your body a new skill: being able to release this area at will. Once you have learnt it, you can use it in daily life and during sex without having to lie down.
When it works: signs it is having an effect
With regular practice, you will notice the following within a few weeks:
Subjective sensations
- Your lower belly feels softer at rest, as though something has released.
- You notice when your pelvic floor contracts during the day — at work, in the car or in a stressful meeting — whereas previously you did not feel it.
- You can consciously release it when you notice.
Physiological indicators
- Your urine flows more smoothly: a pelvic floor that releases better means a sphincter that opens better.
- Less pelvic floor discomfort after ejaculation, if you had it before.
- Often, more stable erections because blood flow towards the penis is less restricted.
The effect on ejaculation
- Your ejaculation threshold rises. Not dramatically in the first week, but gradually, step by step, over two to three months.
- You gain the ability to ‘slow down’ during intercourse by consciously releasing the pelvic floor. This is the opposite of the spontaneous panic response: contracting to ‘hold it back’, which actually speeds up ejaculation.
Reverse Kegels and presence: the connection
There is an aspect few men consider at first. Practising Reverse Kegels means learning to let go in an area you have been contracting unknowingly for years.
This area is not neutral. It is the area of desire, pleasure and sexual urgency. Keeping it permanently locked puts a lid on everything happening there. Unlocking it allows sensations to flow that were rising but being unintentionally blocked.
After two to three months of Reverse Kegels, many men tell me: ‘Sex feels different now. More spread out. Warmer. Less focused on imminent ejaculation.’ That is the right sign. You are recovering a sense of the physical presence of your pelvis during sex. More than any technique, that presence creates a lasting change in your relationship with duration.
Common mistakes to avoid
Forcing it. If you clench your teeth while trying to release, it will not work. A Reverse Kegel is the opposite of effort. It is an inner suggestion, not a contraction in reverse.
Thinking nothing is happening. Many men give up after a week because they feel nothing. Fine awareness of this area takes time to return. Give it at least three weeks before judging.
Combining Kegels and Reverse Kegels in one session. Unless a pelvic floor physiotherapist specifically advises otherwise, keep them separate. If you have hypertonicity, begin with 6–8 weeks of Reverse Kegels alone. You can add moderate Kegels later if necessary, once your pelvic floor knows how to relax properly.
Not breathing. Breathing into your belly is integral to a Reverse Kegel. If you hold your breath, the pelvic floor will not descend. Breathe in, descend and open, together.
When to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist
If you still feel absolutely nothing after 4 to 6 weeks of regular practice, or you are unsure what you are doing, a specialist physiotherapist can assess you in 1 to 2 sessions. They will assess your pelvic floor manually, externally or internally if you consent, and help correct your sense of the movement in real time.
This is neither shameful nor invasive, apart from an internal assessment, which is discussed with you. A few sessions are probably the best investment you can make if pelvic hypertonicity is central to your premature ejaculation.
In France, ask your doctor for a prescription for ‘rééducation périnéale’ (pelvic floor rehabilitation). Social security coverage is available, particularly with a prescription. Find a physiotherapist who works with men: the male pelvic floor has its own physiology, and not every pelvic floor physiotherapist is familiar with it.
Taking it further
Reverse Kegels are one of the key tools in Step 1 of a complete exercise programme for treating premature ejaculation. But they are only one piece. The jaw, breathing, body awareness, communication as a couple and gradually beginning with a partner all work together.
The complete programme is detailed in my book Sortir de votre éjaculation précoce — Durer plus longtemps en habitant son corps. Seven stages of exercises, from individual work to practising as a couple, with specific guidance for your clinical profile.
📖 Reverse Kegels are one piece of the puzzle. The complete 7-step programme, tailored to your profile, is in Sortir de votre éjaculation précoce, available on Amazon.
Scarlett Kaplan is a sex therapist in Paris. Her practice combines body work involving the pelvic floor, jaw and breathing, psychological support and couples support, around one central principle: presence repairs what performance breaks.